You Always Get What You Pay For
Mostly thoughts about my flight home ...
POSTED BY DAVID PIBWORTH ON 01/11/2016 @ 8:00AM
If you're a regular reader of my blog, then you'll know that I was on holiday last week in Lanzarote, taking in the lovely sunshine and writing the pilot for my new sitcom ...
On my flight home from Lanzarote I realised you always get what you pay for.
copyright: khunaspix / 123rf stock photo (licensee)
Having the time to sit and think about it all was very enjoyable, except that I changed just about everything in my original sitcom plot.
"Not the actual idea, but the
construction of it."
However, I'll not go on about that, as these things take time and I was really there to enjoy the sun and the island of Lanzarote which we all did.
The only thing I don't much like about holidays is flying. It's not so much the flying although I'm always jolly pleased when we touchdown and the aircraft hasn't exploded.
I used to do a joke about there being a million to 1 chance of there being a bomb on board a flight and the fact that you can better those odds by taking your own bomb on board with you. I mean, what are the odds of there being two bombs on board a flight? However, I don't use that joke anymore.
I knew a well-known British jazz musician who was travelling to the USA with his band, and in those days you had to fill in a form which said "Is it your intention to overthrow the United States Government?" to which he simply wrote, "Sole purpose of visit". He was questioned for about an hour, so the moral of this is to not try to make jokes to anyone connected to the border force of any country.
Anyway, where was I ... oh yes, it's the whole damn caboodle about flying I dislike. Parking at the airport, getting the bags there, queuing up and all of that.
"Then when you get on the flight, there's the nonsense of the safety demonstration."
I'm always vaguely amused that they make such a big point of telling you not to inflate your safety jacket within the aircraft. I can just see everyone reminding each other that under no circumstances must you inflate your jacket as you are plummeting to certain death in the North Atlantic Ocean.
And on these relatively short flights, nothing is free. A very nice lady brought me a menu which I studied and in the end I decided to go with this lovely looking dish:
A little over priced, but hey ho, it looked more tempting than anything else and nicely presented in its bowl. She took my order and I paid and she said it would be about five minutes. Fine, I thought. Perhaps they need to prepare it. Five minutes later, this appeared in front of me:
Being the true British person I am, I made no comment and ate it. The best I can say is that it tasted much as it looked. Ghastly.
When the lady came back, I hailed her and asked her if it was ok to smoke. She stiffened up and said "No sir, it's clearly written down that there is no smoking anywhere in the aircraft". I said, "Well, it was clearly written down that I ordered a classic pasta with creamy cheese sauce with crunchy Parmesan sprinkles which was, and I quote, 'delicious' and I got this tasteless mass, so I was just wondering what else written down was just a joke".
She smiled in a very peculiar manner and left, I assumed to refund me my six quid, but no, nothing more was said, so I can only assume they're used to the lively banter of dissatisfied customers.
I would say, I'll never fly with them again, but I expect I will. After all, putting aside the Trades Descriptions Act for one moment, you do indeed always get what you pay for.
Until next time ...
More about David Pibworth ...
David is the owner of David Pibworth Productions (DPP) which provide corporate entertainment and also actors for corporate training and development.
Having worked in the Light Entertainment field for many years and produced shows for Al Murray & Joe Pasquale amongst others, David is in a position to advise on well-known comedy and musical acts. DPP also represent Ray Galton and Alan Simpson's scripts which include Hancock's Half Hour and Steptoe and Son.
He is the director of MK Theatre of Comedy who are very well known locally for their stage adaptations of classic comedy scripts such as Fawlty Towers, The Vicar of Dibley, Allo Allo and many others.
He is a long-standing member of Equity and the Directors Guild of Great Britain and has acted in, and directed, many productions over the years, mainly in Light Entertainment, but with occasional forays into Shakespeare etc. Every Christmas he is contracted as an Ugly Sister in Cinderella, currently with 'That's Entertainment' who also use him as a director.
He teaches eccentric magic for The Pauline Quirke Academy and MKTOC also run a youth drama school in Olney from the DPP offices.
David maintains his busy lifestyle is a surefire way to avoid being on any committees. He is married to Julie, and they have one daughter, Esther and live in Clifton Reynes, surrounded by dogs, cats and horses. They live so close to the church that David has instructed his daughter - when he dies and not before - to fire him over the wall from a circus cannon.
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