The Reality Of Reality TV
Come dine with Dave ...
POSTED BY DAVID PIBWORTH ON 22/09/2015 @ 8:00AM
I was recently asked to appear on one of those cookery programmes on TV. 'Come Dine With Me' I think it was. A rather pleasant lady told me on the phone that I was just the sort of person they were looking for ...
Apparently, it was because of the conversation and banter we were having on the telephone as that was an integral part of the show - although I suspect that I was the last person on their list of loonies.
She then asked me how many dinner parties I host a year and I told her that we have mates around for a bit of supper now and again and she asked me what sort of thing I cooked.
"I told her that I don't really cook."
Though I do a damned fine breakfast when called upon. I can have bacon and eggs, tinned tomatoes and mushrooms, slopped onto the plate - more or less - at the same time. I told her that when it came to slightly more delicate dishes, my wife usually sorts that out.
The lady appeared to want me to cook and so I did say that if pushed, I would get a huge steak and kidney pudding (not a pie) from a cafe I know in Northampton and bung together some tatties, peas, carrots and whatever other trimmings were to hand.
We'd have prawn cocktail starters from the Co-op and some Angel Delight, or Instant Whip (if I was a bit skint at the time), to top off the meal and that would be fine and just about achievable for someone of my culinary skills.
"A bit of cheese, instant coffee and a load of Port from a mate in Biggleswade who imports it should finish it all off nicely."
Her interest began to wane when I said that after a good meal, my family get a roaring fire going and all sit around the grand piano wishing that one of us could play it, before having a game of poker.
My own interest began to wane when she said that I would have 3 strangers in my house and they would be filming all day. I would then have to go to the others houses and eat with them.
The very thought of eating couscous and other assorted vegetation with people I didn't know filled me with as much dread as my answers did to her, so there will be no programme with me in it.
I have no problem with these 'reality' shows just so long as I'm not on them and don't have to watch them. I've had an idea to top all 'reality' shows. Do one called:
"Come dine on a steak and kidney
pud, with Dave."
We get a load of people who like each other, to turn up at my house to eat something that the person who is cooking is capable of and have a good laugh, drink a lot, smoke if you want to, tell dirty jokes and take the piss out of David Cameron and Jeremy Corbyn.
That would be so realistic that most people would stop watching and do something useful with their time. Such as having people round for an uncomplicated meal and a good laugh.
Until next time ...
More about David Pibworth ...
David is the owner of David Pibworth Productions (DPP) which provide corporate entertainment and also actors for corporate training and development.
Having worked in the Light Entertainment field for many years and produced shows for Al Murray & Joe Pasquale amongst others, David is in a position to advise on well-known comedy and musical acts. DPP also represent Ray Galton and Alan Simpson's scripts which include Hancock's Half Hour and Steptoe and Son.
He is the director of MK Theatre of Comedy who are very well known locally for their stage adaptations of classic comedy scripts such as Fawlty Towers, The Vicar of Dibley, Allo Allo and many others.
He is a long-standing member of Equity and the Directors Guild of Great Britain and has acted in, and directed, many productions over the years, mainly in Light Entertainment, but with occasional forays into Shakespeare etc. Every Christmas he is contracted as an Ugly Sister in Cinderella, currently with 'That's Entertainment' who also use him as a director.
He teaches eccentric magic for The Pauline Quirke Academy and MKTOC also run a youth drama school in Olney from the DPP offices.
David maintains his busy lifestyle is a surefire way to avoid being on any committees. He is married to Julie, and they have one daughter, Esther and live in Clifton Reynes, surrounded by dogs, cats and horses. They live so close to the church that David has instructed his daughter - when he dies and not before - to fire him over the wall from a circus cannon.